The Marriage Series: In Good Times and in Bad

This is a super lengthy post, so feel free to grab a cup of coffee, put your feet up, relax and start reading (or just skip over it entirely! ;)) *A huge chunk of this is copy and pasted from previous posts that just put our entire story together :)

It has been a LONG time since I've posted about anything of "substance" here on my blog. Don't get me wrong...my current pregnancy, my children, and the everday parts of my life are SO important to me, and I try to take the time to document them here, but as far as REALLY delving into deep parts of my soul, it's been awhile. Two of the bloggers who I follow are doing a series on marriage, and when I saw what this weeks topic was, I had to link up. Although I'd venture to say this subject might be a bit "taboo" for some people, this is my life, and I NEVER miss an opportunity to share one of the worst, most trying times in my life with others, in hopes of showing people that our God is AMAZING! People can change! Every intrictate detail of life is so awesomely woven together by God that one simple "misstep" in life can change your entire path, but God makes no mistakes. So, without further rambling ;) here's my story...

I could have never imagined that I'd be "that girl". I was always so in tune with the behaviors and actions of the people around me. Even in my wild and crazy days, when I was hanging with a wild and crazy crowd, if you were "on something", I knew it! Even if I was on it too, I knew it. I had that intuition. Perhaps it was from growing up in a household where my father was a drug addict and alcoholic, who knows, but either way, I KNEW! I felt sorry for those friends of mine who were "good" (translation: didn't do drugs) and had no idea that their boyfriends were high and doing drugs. "How dumb are they?", I thought. Little did I know, I would be eating those words one day.

Manny and I started dating in the spring of 2005. He was your typical bad boy (jail time included). I was your typical good girl turned bad out of sheer desperation for attention and love. I fell hard and fast for Manny. He did drugs, I did drugs. It was just part of our relationship. Come June 2005, a mere 3 MONTHS after we started dating, I became pregnant. The drinking, drugs, smoking, everything came to a halt for me, the moment I found out I was pregnant. They slowly came to an end for Manny (or so I thought).

Fast forward...
Manny and I had been married for a little over 3 years. Things were going well (or so I thought). Manuel was 3, amazingly smart, growing like a weed, and the apple of our eyes. I was working hard as a Pricing Analyst at a mortgage company. Manny had just quit working for my stepfather's business to try and better himself and started driving a truck for a local printing company. We had just "graduated' from an apartment to a townhouse (we were still renting) and life seemed good.

One day, I randomly decided to check the bank account on-line (which I NEVER did) and noticed a $25 check written to my husbands brother (a drug addict). I called Manny and asked him why he had written his brother a check. He made up some crazy story (which I didn't believe), and I hung up the phone. I continued to scroll through the bank account and noticed several checks written to his brother, several withdraws, etc. (He did the bills and banking, at the time). I called him back and demanded answers!

Manny wept on the phone to me that he had been doing drugs (street and prescription. I had NO clue!). He couldn't stop, he needed to go away to rehab (it was THAT bad!). When we both got home from work that day the search began for an inpatient rehab that Manny could go to ASAP. We couldn't find a place that night. It was getting too late and most places needed to confirm things with our insurance and wouldn't be able to accept him until the next day.

I woke up the next morning and took Manuel to daycare and took myself to work (I'm that kind of person who is VERY much a "go to work no matter what is going on at home" type). Manny called me a few hours later to tell me that he found a place, his grandmother was taking him, and they would only take him if he came NOW! He didn't get to give me a hug and kiss goodbye. He didn't get to say goodbye to Manuel or give him a kiss. He was gone, just like that. I was going to be a single mommy, temporarily, and have to make my 3 year old think that Daddy was away at work.

How could I be SO dumb? How did I not know? And to be honest, I don't think I'll ever know the answer to those questions, but I don't dwell on it anymore. I didn't know that he was a drug addict (prescription and street), and that's all I can say! Manny was in rehab for two weeks (clearly not long enough, but we couldn't afford for him to be off work any longer). Manuel thought he was away for work and when we went to visit him (Easter Sunday) he thought the place we were visiting was where he was staying for work. Keep in mind, he was only 3 at the time, so he didn't know better (my goodness, if this happened now, he would NEVER buy it! He's SO smart) But we were separated for two weeks, Manny came home and all seemed well. He was offered his job back and of course took it. Life seemed to be going smoothly until Manny relapsed. May 11, 2009. My world was shattered! How could this be happening!??!??!?! What was I going to do???? My mom was going to be heart broken. She would be beside herself if I forgave him again and decided to stay AGAIN. WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO!?!??! Here we go again...


May 12, 2009 Manny entered rehab again. This time at a hospital (to also deal with his emotional/anxiety/mental issues brought upon him by a pretty horrific childhood!) He was gone again, but this time, I was oddly okay with it. Would he get better? I had no clue, but I knew that for two weeks I did everything on my own (the first time he went away) and I COULD DO IT! This was huge for me (I am VERY much a dependent person. I always have been. My mom made my doctors appointments for me until I was 20 (well not really, but you get my point! :)) So he left, and I cried, but I was okay. I told him that HE would be the one telling everyone where he was this time. It was not up to me to pick up the pieces and tell his grandmother (who was BEYOND devastated), my mom (who was also BEYOND devastated), etc. He needed to take full responsibility for his actions and that was that. If he got better this time...good. If he didn't...good. I was okay on my own, and I would do EVERYTHING in my power to raise Manuel to be an amazing person whether Manny was part of it or not.

May 15, 2009...Manny was gone at rehab. My best friend since I was 8 was visiting (she thought Manny was on a fishing trip...only my family knew). We were hanging out, our boys were playing. My cell phone rings and it's my Aunt Kathy (my dad's sister) and I knew it couldn't be good...my dad was gone. At the age of 59 he had died of a stroke (years of drugs and alcohol of abuse will do that to you). My dad was dead, my husband was in rehab, and my best friend was standing in front of me while I lost it! "Call Manny! He has to come home from his fishing trip! You just lost your dad." Veronica said over and over again. I couldn't muster any words. Do I keep lying? Do I tell her the truth? What to do? Finally I said it, "I can't! Manny isn't on a fishing trip, he's in rehab." Of course she stood there in shock! I don't remember exactly what happened next. I know my mom, aunt and uncle came over to comfort me (and of course Veronica stayed). Manny happened to call and I had to break the news to him. Of course he was guilt ridden that he couldn't be there for me. But he was where he needed to be. Life would have to go on. My dad was gone, but honestly, I felt peace about it. Manuel was going to miss PopPop (even though he was only 3, he and my dad were very close) but I had to be strong. I had to keep it together. And I did....

May 23, 2009...the day after my dad's memorial service I wasn't feeling well, so I took a pregnancy test. You guessed it, it was positive. My husband was a (recovering) drug addict, my dad had just died, and I'm pregnant and bringing a child into this mess (before I found out about Manny and his drug addiction, in my blissful ignorance, we had been trying to have another baby).

I had to try and make this work. IF Manny could stay sober, I owed it to my children, to God, to my husband, to myself to try and make our family work. (I understand that might be SO hard for you some of you to understand. Trust me, looking back, I don't know how I did it, but I am SO glad that I did. God knew what he was doing! :))

Almost four years have passed since Manny got sober. Too many memories and details to put in this post or it would take you DAYS to read it (if you are even still reading! :)) All I can say is that God entered our lives fully and completely, and that probably helps you fill in that four year span! :)) But I am beyond happy to say, that we are still HAPPILY married (more in love than we have EVER been!), Manuel and Mia are healthy and happy, Manny is 100% sober, we are expecting baby #3 in September and life is good. We celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversay on March 30, 2013 and I can honestly say I love him more today than I EVER have! But what makes me most happy about this entire situation, and the "silver lining" (if you will) is that I know that the cycle of addiction has ended (or at least that is the prayer from the depths of my soul). You see, my dad was an alcoholic and drug addict, so was my grandfather. Manny's dad was an alcoholic and drug addict, so was his grandfather (well not so much drugs, but drinking). Manny dealt with addiction. I went through a REALLY bad phase of drinking a lot and doing a lot of drugs (not to the point of addiction but I was doing them A LOT). I DO NOT WANT THAT FOR MY CHILDREN, EVER! And I honestly think, that the cycle of addiction is OVER! My children will grow up in a household where they go to church, love God, Mommy and Daddy are sober and healthy, etc. And I know anything can happen, BUT, I pray that the cycle of addiction is over!

Thank you God!

Thank you for reading (if you still are! :))

 The love of my life!

 The most amazing father a child could ask for! :)

Daddy giving Mia a "knuckle sandwich" at lunch yesterday :)

17 weeks

Life is SO short, time flies so quickly, and as I get to a more "comfortable" stage of pregnancy (ie. not feeling sick all day and having some energy back), I am trying to TRULY enjoy each day. Trust me, I NEVER take my pregnancy for granted, as I know there are millions of women who would love to trade places with me but along with not taking it for granted, I want to ENJOY it! So that's where I'm at this week! :) *And as soon as I have a belly to show, I'll show it! :)

How far along? 17 weeks


Symptoms: none really
Weight gain/loss: Definitely, at least 2 lbs
Gender: Surprise baby!!! :) We found out with both Manuel and Mia, and since this will be our last child (I can't imagine a 4th c-section) we figured this one should be a surprise!

Maternity clothes? I have a TON of absolutely adorable borrowed maternity clothes from friends, but haven't had to wear any of them yet
Sleep: It could be better! :) I think I just need to stop drinking so much water before bed! That would definitely help!

Food cravings/aversions: still can't stand the thought of frozen pizza or a local Mexican restaurant that I gorged on one night at the beginning of my pregnancy, but other than that, I try to keep it SOMEWHAT healthy ;)

Movement? Absolutely! It's becoming more and more apparent each day! :)

What I miss: a full nights sleep, but again, if I stopped drinking so much water before bed, I think that would help! :)

Best moment(s) this week: just starting to feel better and more like myself again! My mood has definitely improved (Just ask my husband! ;)
What I'm looking forward to: my next ultrasound. I just want to hear the heartbeat again and see he/she. Also, this will be Manny's first time seeing him/her, so that's super exciting too! :)

Next appointment: April 17th which will be an OB appointment as well as my "big" scan...check the heart, body parts, etc. NO GENDER REVEAL, of course! ;)

Now a cute story to share and a few pics from the weekend...
Everyday Mia hears us praying about a friend from church who is battling cancer. She knows that he is very sick and each day we pray for him to get better. When we got to church yesterday we learned that sadly, hospice has been called in, the end if very near and when I heard this I started to cry a lot. Mia asked what was wrong and I explained to her that Mr. B is very sick and will be going to Heaven with Jesus soon. She said, "Don't cry Mommy. That means he won't be sick anymore and he'll be all better!" If only we thought more like children! Please keep this family in your prayers as "Mr. B" has a wife, a son, a grandson, a daughter-in-law and sweet granddaughter on the way!

 It's baseball season so I had to dig out Manuel's old Orioles jersey for Mia to wear this season :)

 Killing time outside of the grocery store while hubby ran in for a few things (hence the reason why he's not correctly buckled! ;)

 My sweet baby girl and I

 Enjoying a trip to the park after church! :)

 

16 weeks and a few (or a ton ;) pics

How far along? 16 weeks
Symptoms: I'm still tired, but now I'm wondering if it's less to do with pregnancy and more to do with just life! ;)
Weight gain/loss: I think I've officially gained a pound, possibly 2! Eekkk! I'm not sure why I'm having a hard time accepting weight gain this time around...I know, I know, it's bound to happen! :)
Gender: Surprise baby!!! :) We found out with both Manuel and Mia, and since this will be our last child (I can't imagine a 4th c-section) we figured this one should be a surprise!

Maternity clothes? not yet. My friend Lauren, who is also my hairdresser will be doing my hair on April 5th and giving me a ton of clothes. This is the first time I'll be prego PREGO during the summer, so she is graciously sharing her maternity clothes with me as her daughter was also born in September. Yay me! :)

Sleep: It could be better! :) I think I just need to stop drinking so much water before bed! That would definitely help!
Food cravings/aversions: still can't stand the thought of frozen pizza or a local Mexican restaurant that I gorged on one night at the beginning of my pregnancy, but other than that, I try to keep it SOMEWHAT healthy ;)
Movement? Absolutely! It's becoming more and more apparent each day! :)

What I miss: a full nights sleep and hot dogs! :) I'm not a person who ate hot dogs often, but every once in a blue moon I'd love a good turkey dog, and now I can't! :( It dawned on me the other day that I'll have to a full summer of cookouts without hot dogs! :( I'll survive! ;)
Best moment(s) this week: finding out yesterday at Easter dinner that my cousin Megan is only 3 weeks behind me in pregnancy! :) We are both so excited that we'll be prego together and our babies will be SO close in age!
What I'm looking forward to: my next ultrasound. I just want to hear the heartbeat again and see he/she. Also, this will be Manny's first time seeing him/her, so that's super exciting too! :)
Next appointment: April 17th which will be an OB appointment as well as my "big" scan...check the heart, body parts, etc. NO GENDER REVEAL, of course! ;)

Now, a hodge podge of the last few weeks, in pics! :)

 Mia's 1st trip to the dentist (3.23.13) She did AMAZING!!!!!! :)

She got to wear sunglasses that were a TAD too big! :)

Saturday (3.30.13) was our 7th wedding anniversary, and where did I pick to go...Chili's! :) I know, I could have splurged a bit, but I wanted chips and queso! :) Plus, we let the kids come along too, so everyone could pick something they would enjoy! :)

 It was a BEAUTIFUL day, so after dinner we walked around the Avenue, enjoyed the sunshine, and made some wishes in the fountain

The loves of my life :)

 After dinner and our beautiful evening out, we came to color Easter eggs and make Resurrection rolls

Making the Resurrection rolls...definitely going to be a yearly tradition! Neat way of teaching the kids about the REAL meaning of Easter! :)

 Easter morning...getting ready to leave for church

Patiently waiting for the music to start...she stays with me (Manny is an usher) during the music portion (about the first 15 minutes), then I take her to her Sunday school class. She LOVES music!

 Getting ready to head out for the annual Easter egg hunt at Manny's moms house...it was a BIT chilly! :)

 Sweet, sweet cousins...crazy to see how much they change from year to year :)

Manuel's photography skills at work :)

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!!!!! :)



Happy Easter Friends!

14 weeks/random pics :)

How far along? 14 weeks, HELLO 2nd trimester! :)
Symptoms: still a bit more fatigued then usual

Weight gain/loss: at my appointment last week (3/13/13) I was actually down one lb from my first OB appointment. My OB said, "Now don't worry that you lost weight..." I stopped her right there and started laughing and told her she'd NEVER have to worry about me worrying about LOSING weight! ;)

Gender: too early to tell, but we aren't finding out anyway!!!!!!!!!! Surprise baby!!! :) We found out with both Manuel and Mia, and since this will be our last child (I can't imagine a 4th c-section) we figured this one should be a surprise!

Maternity clothes? not yet. My friend Lauren, who is also my hairdresser will be doing my hair on April 5th and giving me a ton of clothes. This is the first time I'll be prego PREGO during the summer, so she is graciously sharing her maternity clothes with me as her daughter was also born in September. Yay me! :)

Sleep: Go to bed around 8:30-ish and then I'll randomly wake up throughout the night. I actually pee SO many times throughout the night as well. I think I need to cut off my water intake come a certain time each night, because that's certainly not helping with the crazy sleep patterns! :)

Food cravings/aversions: still have the frozen pizza aversion...one that has really gotten to me lately is frozen pizza! Weird, right? Normally one night a week we'll have pizza for dinner, if it's the frozen kind, I won't eat it. I'll just have cereal. Pizza shop pizza and grocery store pizza (the fresh kind they make on hand and you just bake) I love, but frozen pizza no way! :) Other than that, I'm getting less nauseous with each passing week.

Movement? Absolutely! Little flutters and I love it! I can't wait until the kids and Manny can start feeling him/her!
What I miss: a full nights sleep and my energy!

Best moment(s) this week: getting to hear his/her heartbeat last week, feeling more consistent flutters, seeing all of my friends on Saturday at "Girls day" (breakfast and the movies)
What I'm looking forward to: when I start to sport a bump...still nothing yet!
Next appointment: April 17th which will be an OB appointment as well as my "big" scan...check the heart, body parts, etc. NO GENDER REVEAL, of course! ;)
Milestones (via Babycenter):
This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.


And a few pics of our weekend/recently, for good measure ;)

 These two are inseperable and the best of friends! It makes my heart SO happy to see them together! :)

 Spring came to Maryland (for a day! ;) and Mia was ready to go! :)

 My poor girl knocked out by the stomach bug! SO sweet, even when she's sick and miserable! :(

 Packed up and ready to go to the Delaware Museum of Natural History for a sleepover with the Boyscouts. They had a blast!

 While they were gone, Mia and I had our fun making cookies (people on Facebook thought this was Play-Doh...I promise it's edible, colored dough from Joe Corbis! :))

 We even pulled out the tent and had our own sleepover! :)

Blurry, but still cute...us being silly! :)



Spring, where are you?????

Where do I even begin!??!? This has been the craziest, most sickly Winter the Gomez family has EVER experienced! Thankfully, I'm assuming to my prenatal vitamins, I have yet to catch any of it (KNOCK ON WOOD!!!!!!) But we have been through a whirlwind amongst my hubby and the kiddos...strep (all 3 of them, numerous times), flu (Manny and Mia), pneumonia (Manny and Manuel), ear infections (Mia), stomach virus (Manuel twice, Mia, currently in the midst of her 3rd bout!) and if I thought about it hard enough, the list could go on and on. To think that Manuel didn't miss a SINGLE day of school last year, this is just insane to me! We are certainly making up for it this year! HOWEVER, although I'm sounding like a complainer, in the midst of my frustration that we can't shake the sickies, BELIEVE ME, when I say I thank God EVERY SINGLE TIME, that it's "just" ...... (insert sickness). Even when Mia had her seizure back on New Years Eve, I repeatedly said, "Thank you Jesus that it's JUST a seizure" Between church and "real life" friends, I know so many people who are struggling with TERMINAL illness, so these things, that will eventually find their way out of our home, are NOTHING compared to what some people deal with! So, thank you God for that!!!! As I type this, I'm working from home, while Mia lays on her Dora couch next to me, SOOO sick with a stomach virus like I've never seen before! :( She started getting sick yesterday at Linnie's house (her sitter) and proceeded to vomit all over my car on the way home, 3 times at Patient First (Hubby took her there while I went to my monthly OB appointment because he thought she was going to have strep (like him and Manuel are currently on antibiotics for) and hen continued to get sick through the night (between 10pm and 4am she was literally vomiting every 10-20 minutes!!! I'd doze off and immediately she'd start getting sick again! :( It was/is awful. She's only gotten sick a few times today, but when she just woke up a little bit ago (she's been sleeping most of the day), I was talking to her, holding a wet rag on her forehead, just trying to comfort her and I said, "Mia, what can Mommy do for you?" and in her frailest, saddest, sickest voice she said, "Mommy, I would like it if you would just leave me alone!" Wellll, okay then! :) I just want my baby to get better. I want Spring to get here, and I want a healthy, happy Spring/Summer! :)

My appt went well yesterday. The baby has a nice, strong heartbeat and I'll go back in 4-5 weeks for my big 18 week sonogram (remember, we AREN'T finding out the gender! :)) Praying for a happy, healthy little baby!

Now, some random pictures of our days when we haven't been sick over the last few weeks/months! :)

12 weeks (yesterday :))

Hi friends! I hope everyone is doing well! :) I'm still reading and following your lives, just not blogging regularly, like I want to be! :) If I'm being honest (NOT complaining, just being honest ;) this pregnancy has thrown me for a total loop mentally, physically and emotionally. Let's just say that last night when Mia said she wanted to go to bed at 7:30pm (and Manny and Manuel were at Boy Scouts), I was 100% fine with heading to bed! :) It's just crazy how different each pregnancy can be and this one sure is different than my other two, but I am reminding myself that this will be our last pregnancy and I need to enjoy every moment! :) Lots has been happening around the Gomez household lately, and I hope to actually share a "real" post soon (with pics! :))

How far along? 12 weeks (yesterday)
Symptoms: exhaustion
Weight gain/loss: 0 lbs

Gender: too early to tell, but we aren't finding out anyway!!!!!!!!!! Surprise baby!!! :) We found out with both Manuel and Mia, and since this will be our last child (I can't imagine a 4th c-section) we figured this one should be a surprise!

Maternity clothes? not yet

Sleep: Go to bed around 8:30-ish and then I'll randomly wake up throughout the night. I actually pee SO many times throughout the night as well. I think I need to cut off my water intake come a certain time each night, because that's certainly not helping with the crazy sleep patterns! :) 

Food cravings/aversions: one that has really gotten to me lately is frozen pizza! Weird, right? Normally one night a week we'll have pizza for dinner, if it's the frozen kind, I won't eat it. I'll just have cereal. Pizza shop pizza and grocery store pizza (the fresh kind they make on hand and you just bake) I love, but frozen pizza no way! :)
Movement? I know they say it's too early, but I swear I feel something! :)

What I miss: a full nights sleep and my energy!

Best moment(s) this week: starting to feel a little more "pep in my step" so to speak! ;)
What I'm looking forward to: WELL, I was looking forward to my 2nd prenatal appointment tomorrow, but apparently Maryland likes to wait until March to get a good snow storm and we are supposed to get 5-10 inches overnight! :( (I know for some of you that's NOTHING but for Maryland and those of us that HATE snow, it is! ;)) So I have a pretty good feeling my appointment tomorrow will be cancelled, but we shall see.

Next appointment: March 6th (but see above :))