I like to think I'm a "good" person (everyone has their own definition of that word). By good I mean...kind to others, strives to be her best, loves God, is a caring wife, loving mother, etc. but of course I HAVE MY MOMENTS! Those moments where I would probably shrivel up in a ball and die if anyone had actually seen me do what I just did. Whether it comes to getting angry with my husband, overreacting towards something my son does, etc. You know, those "not so proud moments" (we all have them, RIGHT!?!?! :) But again, for the most part I think I'm a good person. Our pastor has mentioned, on a few occassions, how when you go about your daily life you should envision God walking with you. Would you be saying and doing the things you are if God were standing right there??? I'm going to come out and say I know I wouldn't do and say half the things I do and say if God were right next to me.
We are in a "Why?" series at church...why do people suffer? why do we need to attend a local church? why do we need to participate in the Lords Supper? etc. Our church only does the Lords Supper on occassion (no more then once a month) and this past Sunday was that day. As we were waiting for the cracker and juice to be handed to everyone it was our time to "reflect" to ask for forgiveness for our sins, to start fresh and "clean". As I was sitting there it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now is my time to "start over." I need to work on being a better Christian, a better person. I started teaching Sunday school again that day and realized that I needed to be a better representation of a Christian. Again, I'm "okay" outside of work, but really, in the office environment I should be ashamed of my words and actions. I cuss, I gossip, I talk poorly about people, etc. I know we all do it, but really I don't want to be that kind of person anymore. So I came in the office yesterday with a new attitude and I must say it's really helped my outlook in general (even on a Monday! :) Do I get frustrated? OF COURSE! Do I get annoyed? Absolutely! Do I go to type an IM to my friend about someone that just annoyed the heck out of me? YES! But instead of sending it, I take a deep breath and delete it. I know I won't be perfect and I'll fail, but I'd like for that to happen less and less each day. I want to be proud of my words and actions at work, and certainly, as it stood, I was not. I'm really hoping to have turned over a new leaf! :)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My birthday
*AWFUL cell phone quality pics of my b-day gifts from my wonderful co-workers!* :)
Yesterday, June 2, 2010 I turned 29 years old. Grant it, there is nothing momentous about this birthday, no huge milestone (like 16, 18, 21 or 30) but it really was an amazing day! Did I have to work? Of course! But as I was sitting at my desk it dawned on me that I had been given a gift that I hadn't ever been given in the past 28 birthdays, and guess what...it didn't cost a penny. What is that gift you ask? Peace of mind. My life has been a series of struggles. Grant it, it's not been anything huge, to some peoples struggles, mine would seem like a drop in the bucket. But life certainly hasn't been a "cake walk" either. And it dawned on me yesterday that for the first time I am truly at peace with where my life is. Could I be a better mother? Of course! Could I be a better wife? ABSOLUTELY! Could I be more active in my church? Sure! Could I make more money? Probably! (although that's up for debate being as though I don't have a college degree! :) But money isn't important in the grand scheme of things!) Could I own my own house? Certainly! (well, again that's up for debate too unless we save some money and work on getting our credit scores up! ;) But you get the picture...there is a lot of things that could be better, but when I lay my head down at night I am peaceful.
When I was little I always envisioned that I'd be married and have at least one child by the time I was 25. As I graduated from high school, and never really had a steady boyfriend or relationship, that "goal" seemed further and further attainable. Which I was totally fine with! (or so I tried to convince myself that I was). The early part of my 20's, from what I remember of it (SO sad, but true!), was spent just being, barely scrapping by. I was single, I was young, I was jobless (at points), I didn't attend church, I was not held accountable for anything, I stole from my mom, I made REALLY bad decisions, made some more REALLY bad decisions and was just very unstable (not mentally, just in general :). At the time, it was "fun" to me, I was just enjoying my 20's. Looking back, I literally cringe at the way I was living. I hope and pray and pray some more that my children never experience/experiment the things I did. At the time you think it's just what your supposed to do at that age, or at least I did. But I would give almost anything to have those years back and given the opportunity to make better decisions!!! Then 7 days after my 24th birthday I found out I was pregnant. Needless to say unplanned. Afterall, who gets pregnant on purpose after only being with someone for 3 months!?!? Not anyone with an ounce of sense! It was that day, June 9, 2005 that I realized it was time to grow up!!
Fast forward almost 5 years to June 2, 2010...my goodness how my life has changed. I lay my head down at night in a bed that's mine, in a townhouse I (we) pay the rent on, with a "decent" relationship with God (I'm working on making better by attending church regularly and getting involved), with a hubby who I love and trust, with two beautiful children who I adore more then life itself, with a job that I take pride in, and life, all in all, lived well!
Not too bad for 29, if I do say so myself :)
Oh, and a funny birthday story just for my own "journaling" purposes...my husband called me yesterday (my birthday) and told me that I had to get our son from school because he was working late. I angrily said, "Okay!" and hung up the phone thinking to myself, "He's going to work late on my birthday!?!?" and then it quickly dawned on me, if i know my husband, which I do, he's fibbing and just saying that so he can go home and finish my cake or something! :) So I go pick our son up from school (remember, he's 4), and as I walk on the playground to get him he says, "Mommy, did I miss your birthday?"
I said, "No buds! All day is mommy's birthday."
He said, "No, did I miss your party?"
I said, "Baby, Mommy's not having a party."
He said, "Well daddy told me this morning that Nonna, Poppy and Buscia were coming over for a party."
I stopped, smiled and said, "I don't think you were supposed to tell mommy that!"
He got this huge grin on his face and said, "Ohhhhh!"
I said, "But that's okay baby. We won't tell daddy you accidentally told me."
He looked at me and so seriously said, "But mommy, I can't lie to daddy!"
GOOD POINT! Now let's hope that sweet baby boy keeps that honest spirit forever!!!!! :) Needless to say I acted COMPLETELY surprised when I walked in the door and my hubby had a cake, dinner and some of my family there. He ended up finding out the truth from Honest Abe himself! ;) (yes, the same child who will just come out and tell us when he is put in timeout at school. We'd have NO way of knowing otherwise because it's never for anything serious, but it will be the FIRST thing out of his mouth when we pick him up!! :) Nothing like raising a child who is SOOO SOOOO honest! Even though I knew about the surprise before it happened it will still a very special day. And HOPEFULLY lesson learned for my hubby...you don't tell a four year old about a surprise party, EVER!!!! :)
When I was little I always envisioned that I'd be married and have at least one child by the time I was 25. As I graduated from high school, and never really had a steady boyfriend or relationship, that "goal" seemed further and further attainable. Which I was totally fine with! (or so I tried to convince myself that I was). The early part of my 20's, from what I remember of it (SO sad, but true!), was spent just being, barely scrapping by. I was single, I was young, I was jobless (at points), I didn't attend church, I was not held accountable for anything, I stole from my mom, I made REALLY bad decisions, made some more REALLY bad decisions and was just very unstable (not mentally, just in general :). At the time, it was "fun" to me, I was just enjoying my 20's. Looking back, I literally cringe at the way I was living. I hope and pray and pray some more that my children never experience/experiment the things I did. At the time you think it's just what your supposed to do at that age, or at least I did. But I would give almost anything to have those years back and given the opportunity to make better decisions!!! Then 7 days after my 24th birthday I found out I was pregnant. Needless to say unplanned. Afterall, who gets pregnant on purpose after only being with someone for 3 months!?!? Not anyone with an ounce of sense! It was that day, June 9, 2005 that I realized it was time to grow up!!
Fast forward almost 5 years to June 2, 2010...my goodness how my life has changed. I lay my head down at night in a bed that's mine, in a townhouse I (we) pay the rent on, with a "decent" relationship with God (I'm working on making better by attending church regularly and getting involved), with a hubby who I love and trust, with two beautiful children who I adore more then life itself, with a job that I take pride in, and life, all in all, lived well!
Not too bad for 29, if I do say so myself :)
Oh, and a funny birthday story just for my own "journaling" purposes...my husband called me yesterday (my birthday) and told me that I had to get our son from school because he was working late. I angrily said, "Okay!" and hung up the phone thinking to myself, "He's going to work late on my birthday!?!?" and then it quickly dawned on me, if i know my husband, which I do, he's fibbing and just saying that so he can go home and finish my cake or something! :) So I go pick our son up from school (remember, he's 4), and as I walk on the playground to get him he says, "Mommy, did I miss your birthday?"
I said, "No buds! All day is mommy's birthday."
He said, "No, did I miss your party?"
I said, "Baby, Mommy's not having a party."
He said, "Well daddy told me this morning that Nonna, Poppy and Buscia were coming over for a party."
I stopped, smiled and said, "I don't think you were supposed to tell mommy that!"
He got this huge grin on his face and said, "Ohhhhh!"
I said, "But that's okay baby. We won't tell daddy you accidentally told me."
He looked at me and so seriously said, "But mommy, I can't lie to daddy!"
GOOD POINT! Now let's hope that sweet baby boy keeps that honest spirit forever!!!!! :) Needless to say I acted COMPLETELY surprised when I walked in the door and my hubby had a cake, dinner and some of my family there. He ended up finding out the truth from Honest Abe himself! ;) (yes, the same child who will just come out and tell us when he is put in timeout at school. We'd have NO way of knowing otherwise because it's never for anything serious, but it will be the FIRST thing out of his mouth when we pick him up!! :) Nothing like raising a child who is SOOO SOOOO honest! Even though I knew about the surprise before it happened it will still a very special day. And HOPEFULLY lesson learned for my hubby...you don't tell a four year old about a surprise party, EVER!!!! :)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Great results of the P/T C
Not that anyone cares, but since this is a "scrapbook" of sorts for my family, I needed to post...
Manuel's teacher gave him tons of praise! She is SO proud of how well he is doing. She went on and on about how well behaved he is, and how honest he is. This shocked us! Not the honest part...if he gets put in time out for any reason, that's the FIRST thing he tells us when we pick him up from school. He definitely tells on himself! :) But we were shocked about the "well behaved" part. Don't get me wrong, he's 4, but that's the problem HE'S FOUR IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD!!! :) There were no terrible two's with him, and the terrible three's were pretty rough, but FOUR, wow, four has been a toughy! :) He's never been a child to throw tantrums, EVER, but at four years old, he does! The fits he throws at home are one for the record books! :) And his "bad behavior" has even stemmed out to family gatherings where he'll get slightly rambunctious and misbehave, but at school and church he's perfect! My mom always said we should be glad he's like that, and not the other way around. VERY TRUE!!! As long as he minds his manners when he's out, behaves himself, tells the truth, and is just an all around "good" kid, I'll take it! :) And hopefully he'll outgrown the tantrums at home, or else he's going to continue spending a good bit of time in time-out. And really, who wants to do that!??!! :)
I'm so proud of my little man, who apparently is not so little anymore :( Where does the time go????
Manuel's teacher gave him tons of praise! She is SO proud of how well he is doing. She went on and on about how well behaved he is, and how honest he is. This shocked us! Not the honest part...if he gets put in time out for any reason, that's the FIRST thing he tells us when we pick him up from school. He definitely tells on himself! :) But we were shocked about the "well behaved" part. Don't get me wrong, he's 4, but that's the problem HE'S FOUR IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD!!! :) There were no terrible two's with him, and the terrible three's were pretty rough, but FOUR, wow, four has been a toughy! :) He's never been a child to throw tantrums, EVER, but at four years old, he does! The fits he throws at home are one for the record books! :) And his "bad behavior" has even stemmed out to family gatherings where he'll get slightly rambunctious and misbehave, but at school and church he's perfect! My mom always said we should be glad he's like that, and not the other way around. VERY TRUE!!! As long as he minds his manners when he's out, behaves himself, tells the truth, and is just an all around "good" kid, I'll take it! :) And hopefully he'll outgrown the tantrums at home, or else he's going to continue spending a good bit of time in time-out. And really, who wants to do that!??!! :)
I'm so proud of my little man, who apparently is not so little anymore :( Where does the time go????
Thursday, May 20, 2010
First Parent/Teacher Conference
Since Manuel is a big ol' preschooler now, tonight he has his first official (or should I say "we have our first official") parent/teacher conference. I'm actually very excited for it. I'm apprehensive in the sense that I hope there aren't any sort of behavior problems occuring that my husband and I are not aware of, but I'm excited to see how the teacher thinks he is doing. He has only been in preschool since January but I feel like he's come SO far in a few short months. I hope that the teacher agrees. I hope she feels like he is on point with the other children. That is my hope! And if goodness forbid she has any concern, it's good to find out about NOW, while we still have well over a year until he starts kindergarten (UGH! I shudder at the thought! :( and we can work on fixing the problem. When I'm doing his homework with him, some concepts that I would consider "easy" seem difficult to him. But I don't know if they are difficult because he really doesn't understand it, or if they are difficult because I'm mommy and he just really isn't interested in listening to me :) We shall see!!!!
On another note...Mia goes for her 4 month well child visit on Monday (a little late. She was 4 months on 5.18.10). I'm excited to see how much she weighs in comparison to her last appointment. I'm assuming her ped will recommend that we start feeding her cereal, but she told us not to start until we met for the 4 month check-up which I was totally fine with. If she's happy with just formula, why introduce food to soon?? :)
Updates on the conference and check-up coming soon. My babies are growing up! :)
On another note...Mia goes for her 4 month well child visit on Monday (a little late. She was 4 months on 5.18.10). I'm excited to see how much she weighs in comparison to her last appointment. I'm assuming her ped will recommend that we start feeding her cereal, but she told us not to start until we met for the 4 month check-up which I was totally fine with. If she's happy with just formula, why introduce food to soon?? :)
Updates on the conference and check-up coming soon. My babies are growing up! :)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
14 Years
Do you remember where you were 14 years ago? What were you doing? What did you look like? How did you act? Funny thing, is I DO remember exactly where I was 14 years ago today. I remember every bit of this day, as if it were yesterday...
My sister and I were getting ready for school, the phone rang, my sister screamed and right then and there I knew...Michele was gone. Michele Diane Gatton. The beautiful, incredibly smart, flute playing, my best friends (Veronica) sister and my sisters (Amy) best friend. In August 1995 she had a "mass" removed from her tongue. We were in vacation in South Carolina when my sister call her to see how the surgery went and we got the news that it was cancer. Cancer of the tongue in a 17 year old!?!?!? That was odd, and never in a million years in our young, nieve brains did we think it would actually be cancer, but it was. The first few months of her diagnosis were spent doing chemo, and all seemed "well" but then things took a dramatic turn downhill. She needed a tracheotomy (sp?) and things just weren't going well. I will never forget the day that she told us she was well enough to walk the mall with her mom. I felt like that meant she was well and would never die (again, such a nieve mind I had at the age of 14ish.) I remember one day standing in her kitchen, she had a purple bear in her hand (lilac was her favorite color) and she made mention of wanting to be buried with the bear. My sister and I told her to stop talking like that and to never say anything about her funeral again. She wasn't going to die!!!!! Michele turned 18 on February 17th, 2006. She was due to graduate from high school that May. Little did we know that she wouldn't make it to graduation. At one of her high schools ceremonies for seniors they presented Michele with her diploma. Michele was too sick to attend, but she was made an official high school graduate. Towards the end Michele had fought the good fight and didn't have any more left in her. She no longer had the desire for visitors (she didn't want them to see her the way she was).
The early, early morning of May 13, 2006 Michele, smiled, waved goodbye to her mom and left this earth for her Heavenly home. Her stepmom was the one that had made the call to Amy (it was around 6:30am). Michele was gone. How in the world was she REALLY gone!??! My sister Amy had just lost her best friend. My best friend Veronica had just lost her sister. What was I going to do!?!??!? One of my parents, I think my dad, rushed Amy and I over to Michele and Veronica's house. We walked in and it was just total sadness. By this point several family members had made it over to the house. We just sat around and hugged and cried. Michele was still in her bedroom (in the basement. The family wanted to wait until the elementary school kids in the neighborhood had boarded the bus before the coroner came for Michele.) We (when I say "we" I am referring to my sister and I) were asked if we wanted to go downstairs to say goodbye. We both chose not to. Once again, young and nieve...I wish I had gotten to say goodbye. Another close friend of Veronica's, Emily and her mother came over to take my sister, Veronica and I to Bob Evan's for breakfast. Now I'm thinking they did this so we wouldn't be there when they came to get Michele. Breakfast was spent in a fog, a complete aurora of disbelief. As I'm writing this post, my memory of anything after breakfast is gone. I THINK we may have gone back to Michele and Veronica's house, perhaps we went home. Actually, now I remember, we did go back to their house (sorry for all the "out of the placeness" of this post, I am literally reliving the day in my head as I'm typing.). We spent the rest of the day up in Veronica's room, doing what, I'm not sure. The following days are a complete blur. I know there was a memorial service at Mountain Christian Church and a burial. To be honest, I remember nothing of any of it, except for one thing, one thing that will probably haunt me until the day I am called from this earth...Veronica's cry. Veronica is the type of person, ever since I can remember (we met when we were 8, we are now 28), that when she cries, you know it. She has one of those "ugly" (she wouldn't mind me saying that :) , hysterical cries. During the memorial service that is ALL you could hear, above anything else, was Veronica crying! :( I remember that poems were read...my sister had written two poems in honor of her friendship with Michele. She was too hysterical to read it in front of the church, but someone read the poems for her. Mr. Roger (Michele's dad) gave the eulogy (I think. My gosh, how do I not remember this?????) So many emotions, so many raw emotions over the loss of a person who you loved like a sister! Michele, you are missed!!! It may be 14 year today since you left this earth (it just literally hurt my heart for a second when I typed 14 years. She has been gone for almost as many years as she was alive. WOW! Her voice, her smile, her laugh, the way she got SO easily irriated at Veronica and I because we were "so immature" :)...those are the things I miss the most :)
In 14 years...the 3 of us (Veronica, Amy and I) have graduated from high school, Amy graduated from college, all 3 of us have married, and all 3 of us have become mommies. All those things Michele was never able to do and I know she would have done them all with grace, elegance and maturity. She really was just an amazing person!
Michele, I know that Heaven has been filled with the sweetest flute playing for the last 14 years. I love you!
My sister and I were getting ready for school, the phone rang, my sister screamed and right then and there I knew...Michele was gone. Michele Diane Gatton. The beautiful, incredibly smart, flute playing, my best friends (Veronica) sister and my sisters (Amy) best friend. In August 1995 she had a "mass" removed from her tongue. We were in vacation in South Carolina when my sister call her to see how the surgery went and we got the news that it was cancer. Cancer of the tongue in a 17 year old!?!?!? That was odd, and never in a million years in our young, nieve brains did we think it would actually be cancer, but it was. The first few months of her diagnosis were spent doing chemo, and all seemed "well" but then things took a dramatic turn downhill. She needed a tracheotomy (sp?) and things just weren't going well. I will never forget the day that she told us she was well enough to walk the mall with her mom. I felt like that meant she was well and would never die (again, such a nieve mind I had at the age of 14ish.) I remember one day standing in her kitchen, she had a purple bear in her hand (lilac was her favorite color) and she made mention of wanting to be buried with the bear. My sister and I told her to stop talking like that and to never say anything about her funeral again. She wasn't going to die!!!!! Michele turned 18 on February 17th, 2006. She was due to graduate from high school that May. Little did we know that she wouldn't make it to graduation. At one of her high schools ceremonies for seniors they presented Michele with her diploma. Michele was too sick to attend, but she was made an official high school graduate. Towards the end Michele had fought the good fight and didn't have any more left in her. She no longer had the desire for visitors (she didn't want them to see her the way she was).
The early, early morning of May 13, 2006 Michele, smiled, waved goodbye to her mom and left this earth for her Heavenly home. Her stepmom was the one that had made the call to Amy (it was around 6:30am). Michele was gone. How in the world was she REALLY gone!??! My sister Amy had just lost her best friend. My best friend Veronica had just lost her sister. What was I going to do!?!??!? One of my parents, I think my dad, rushed Amy and I over to Michele and Veronica's house. We walked in and it was just total sadness. By this point several family members had made it over to the house. We just sat around and hugged and cried. Michele was still in her bedroom (in the basement. The family wanted to wait until the elementary school kids in the neighborhood had boarded the bus before the coroner came for Michele.) We (when I say "we" I am referring to my sister and I) were asked if we wanted to go downstairs to say goodbye. We both chose not to. Once again, young and nieve...I wish I had gotten to say goodbye. Another close friend of Veronica's, Emily and her mother came over to take my sister, Veronica and I to Bob Evan's for breakfast. Now I'm thinking they did this so we wouldn't be there when they came to get Michele. Breakfast was spent in a fog, a complete aurora of disbelief. As I'm writing this post, my memory of anything after breakfast is gone. I THINK we may have gone back to Michele and Veronica's house, perhaps we went home. Actually, now I remember, we did go back to their house (sorry for all the "out of the placeness" of this post, I am literally reliving the day in my head as I'm typing.). We spent the rest of the day up in Veronica's room, doing what, I'm not sure. The following days are a complete blur. I know there was a memorial service at Mountain Christian Church and a burial. To be honest, I remember nothing of any of it, except for one thing, one thing that will probably haunt me until the day I am called from this earth...Veronica's cry. Veronica is the type of person, ever since I can remember (we met when we were 8, we are now 28), that when she cries, you know it. She has one of those "ugly" (she wouldn't mind me saying that :) , hysterical cries. During the memorial service that is ALL you could hear, above anything else, was Veronica crying! :( I remember that poems were read...my sister had written two poems in honor of her friendship with Michele. She was too hysterical to read it in front of the church, but someone read the poems for her. Mr. Roger (Michele's dad) gave the eulogy (I think. My gosh, how do I not remember this?????) So many emotions, so many raw emotions over the loss of a person who you loved like a sister! Michele, you are missed!!! It may be 14 year today since you left this earth (it just literally hurt my heart for a second when I typed 14 years. She has been gone for almost as many years as she was alive. WOW! Her voice, her smile, her laugh, the way she got SO easily irriated at Veronica and I because we were "so immature" :)...those are the things I miss the most :)
In 14 years...the 3 of us (Veronica, Amy and I) have graduated from high school, Amy graduated from college, all 3 of us have married, and all 3 of us have become mommies. All those things Michele was never able to do and I know she would have done them all with grace, elegance and maturity. She really was just an amazing person!
Michele, I know that Heaven has been filled with the sweetest flute playing for the last 14 years. I love you!
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