Saturday, September 17, 2011
30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 17
I'm slacking, I know! :) No excuses, just life :)
Day 17: Regrets
There are many people in this world who can say, "I don't have regrets. Everything I've done I've learned from, so no regrets." I am not one of those people. Although I did learn from everything I've been through, I do wish there were things I hadn't done, or things that I did do.
My regrets in life are all connected. My first regret is that I begged my mom to let me change schools the summer after my 10th grade year, get a boundary exception and go to high school with my best friend. She was popular. All of her friends became my friends and life was GREAT (or so I thought). Before I changed schools I was an "outcast". I was shy, awkward, overweight, and had only a few GOOD friends (little did I know, a few friends is all you ever need!!!! But when you're in high school, being popular is SO important). I had never touched a cigarette, never thought of drinking a beer, and certainly would NEVER imagine doing any sort of drugs, EVER! I transferred schools, had a TON of "friends"(or more like acquaintances, but I was popular so that's all I cared about, sadly!) I was hanging out with people who drank, had been smoking weed since middle school, and partied like no other 16 year olds I had ever known. My junior year, I stayed pretty good, and dabbled here and there in drinking a beer or smoking a cigarette. But needless to say that all went downhill and fast, my senior year! Which leads to my next regret...doing all the drugs I've done. I honestly wonder, quite often, how much different my life would be had I not spend the majority of my life from age 18-age 24 doing drugs. How much different would my brain be? How much different would life be? I realize that each step of my life and journey has happened because that's what was meant to be and had ONE thing not happened, it could have changed the entire course of where I am today, but I just wish I had never started doing drugs, EVER! You see friends, I wasn't someone who just dabbled in smoking weed every once and again or drank a beer once in blue moon. Oh no, unfortunately that's FAR from the truth. For the span of those years, on a regular basis (at least weekly) I did some sort of drug(s). I smoked weed (regularly), did ecstasy (regularly), ate acid (regularly), smoked crack (a few times), took prescription pain pills (regularly) and snorted cocaine (regularly) (there, I said it. Don't judge, please!) I would go for weeks at a time drinking pretty much EVERYDAY! Going out EVERY NIGHT! It disgusts me, literally, as I sit here and type all of that, but that was my life (sadly!) Although I can't say for sure, I'd be willing to bet that had I not found out on June 9, 2005 (7 days after my 24th birthday) that I was pregnant, I probably would have ended up dead. That's how bad off I was! The day I found out I was pregnant EVERYTHING stopped and I have not touched a drug since then (I have drank and smoked a cigarette since then). And then my last regret which is also linked to transferring schools, and doing drugs, is the fact that I never finished college. Clearly all the drugs and partying didn't allow time for schooling and studying! :( I have no doubt that I would have done big things with my life, had I never changed schools, and started doing drugs. I would have gone away to college, I would have gotten a college degree and made a career for myself. Instead, I stayed local, partied with my friends from high school, went to a local community college (I am NOT putting down community colleges AT ALL! So please don't misinterpret that statement. I just knew from when I was little that I would go away to school) and stopped going just credits shy of earning my AA in Mental Health and Human Services. Regrets, regrets, regrets.
But I do know that had one thing not happened, I may have never found God (I mean REALLY found him!), I may have never been as happy as I am today, and most importantly, I may not be staring at the two beautiful faces sitting in front of me, eating their cereal (Manny is helping my uncle move, or else I would have said 3 beautiful faces! ;))
Regrets are hard, but God ALWAYS knows what He is doing! : )
Have a great weekend friends! :)
at 8:09 AM