Friday, August 5, 2011

the red dress club: best of

I'm not a writer, but I do love to write. I've always been told I have a knack for words (writing cards, letters, poems, etc.) but sometimes that doesn't transfer to this blog very well. I think too often I try to write for an audience instead of just writing for myself (if that makes any sense at all! :)) This week the red dress club is having a "best of" link up to your favorite writing prompt. I've only participated once, but ironically enough, it's one of my favorite posts I've ever written because it was the first time I spoke of something VERY personal, very real and straight from the heart, writing for myself and not my audience.

Since I have some new readers, I'm going to post it again...

*This is my first time participating in a the red dress club link-up. I'm not a professional writer by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I do love writing! I've been trying to find a way to share my story in bits and pieces and without "exposing" my heart too much, too fast, and I thought this was a PERFECT way to begin*

I could have never imagined that I'd be "that girl". I was always so in tune with the behaviors and actions of the people around me. Even in my wild and crazy days, when I was hanging with a wild and crazy crowd, if you were "on something", I knew it! Even if I was on it too, I knew it. I had that intuition. Perhaps it was from growing up in a household where my father was a drug addict and alcoholic, who knows, but either way, I KNEW! I felt sorry for those friends of mine who were "good" (translation: didn't do drugs) and had no idea that their boyfriends were high and doing drugs. "How dumb are they?", I thought. Little did I know, I would be eating those words one day.

Manny and I started dating in the spring of 2005. He was your typical bad boy (jail time included). I was your typical good girl turned bad out of sheer desperation for attention and love. I fell hard and fast for Manny. He did drugs, I did drugs. It was just part of our relationship. Come June 2005, a mere 3 MONTHS after we started dating, I became pregnant. The drinking, drugs, smoking, everything came to a halt for me, the moment I found out I was pregnant. They slowly came to an end for Manny (or so I thought).

Fast forward...

Manny and I had been married for a little over 3 years. Things were going well (or so I thought). Manuel was 3, amazingly smart, growing like a weed, and the apple of our eyes. I was working hard as a Pricing Analyst at a mortgage company. Manny had just quit working for my stepfather's business to try and better himself and started driving a truck for a local printing company. We had just "graduated' from an apartment to a townhouse (we were still renting) and life seemed good.

One day, I randomly decided to check the bank account on-line (which I NEVER did) and noticed a $25 check written to my husbands brother (a drug addict). I called Manny and asked him why he had written his brother a check. He made up some crazy story (which I didn't believe), and I hung up the phone. I continued to scroll through the bank account and noticed several checks written to his brother, several withdraws, etc. (He did the bills and banking, at the time). I called him back and demanded answers!

Manny wept on the phone to me that he had been doing drugs (street and prescription. I had NO clue!). He couldn't stop, he needed to go away to rehab (it was THAT bad!). When we both got home from work that day the search began for an inpatient rehab that Manny could go to ASAP. We couldn't find a place that night. It was getting too late and most places needed to confirm things with our insurance and wouldn't be able to accept him until the next day.

I woke up the next morning and took Manuel to daycare and took myself to work (I'm that kind of person who is VERY much a "go to work no matter what is going on at home" type). Manny called me a few hours later to tell me that he found a place, his grandmother was taking him, and they would only take him if he came NOW! He didn't get to give me a hug and kiss goodbye. He didn't get to say goodbye to Manuel or give him a kiss. He was gone, just like that. I was going to be a single mommy, temporarily, and have to make my 3 year old think that day was away at work. And then the world shifted.

*Edited (8/5/11)...if you are visiting from the red dress club: best of and would like to know how this story ends, here is the rest of the story*


Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

So, I haven't stopped crying yet from reading your second post. I was so impressed by your strength and peace through it all. I guess I couldn't help but think how I would handle something like that--I would be devestated and likely have a permenent meltdown! I'm so glad you both were able to break the cycle. I think you're even more amazing now that I've read this.

Cait said...

aww. wow girl you just inspire me! You should check out my giveaway I'm having on my blog to win a Bobbi Brown eyeshadow compact :)

Courtney B said...

You are so strong! I love that you two have made it through so much together! I don't know if I'm a strong enough woman to support Eric through something I was not ok with in the first place. This inspires me to be a better wife!