Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out

When I was thinking about this blog post in my head last night I was apprehensive about posting it because I, for the most part, am "light" when it comes to my blog posts. Normally fun link-ups, pictures, etc. But when I saw that Shell over "Things I Can't Say: Spilling it All On My Blog" hosts a link up where you can pour your heart out, I had to post. So, without further ado...



My thoughts on my mothering skills have been poor, at best lately! :( I'm a full time working mom and I hate it! Now don't get me wrong, I don't honestly think I could stay home full time. That's a tough gig (kudos to all you stay at home mommies!) But I wish I didn't have to work full-time. Every day, Monday thru Friday, I wake up at 5:40am and my day starts. I usually get home from work around 5:30pm. On average 12 hours of my day is spent outside the home and that breaks my heart! When I walk in the door from work it's run, run, run (dishes, dinner, bottles, lunches, bags packed for the next day, etc.) And let me point out, my husband helps A LOT!! He grocery shops, he helps clean, he helps with dinner, he helps with the kids, etc. But I guess my point is, that when I get home and have to do all of these things, my children want their mommy. They want me to sit down on the floor, play, laugh, be silly, and just have fun and I just feel like there is not enough time! And I know, I should say, "Dishes can wait. Bottles can wait..." BUT I'm one of those people that until "the work" is done, I can't "play" So my time making bottles is spent making bottles/shooing away Manuel when he asks me for the 500th time if he can have a snack, or my time making lunches is spent making lunches/watching Mia stare through the gate at me that we have up to keep her out of the kitchen (Yucky germs lurk on the kitchen floor that I CAN'T clean every day because of life getting in the way! :), etc. etc. etc. And my heart breaking because I should be holding her and not having her stare at me through a gate, I should be entertaining Manuel's 500 questions and requests, and the list goes on and on. Basically, at times, I suck (excuse my language) at being a mom. It's SOOO hard to balance! I love my children more then life itself and I hope that they NEVER feel un-loved or that Mommy is too busy for them. Me NOT working full-time is not an option at this point in time for our family. I hope that one day Manuel and Mia realize that we only did what we had to do for our family and to give them the best.

That's all, thanks for listening :)

3 comments:

VandyJ said...

My post today is similar--mom guilt for working full time. Balancing is so difficult.

Shell said...

I think it's always hard to find a balance. Even as a sahm. Kudos to you for being a working mom!

So glad you chose to join in!

*Nikki* said...

i sure have been feeling some MOmmy guilt here lately...it must be the time for it..