Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Tuesdays Thoughts

Another catchy title :) But I just have some things on my heart that I would like to write out...

I take life for granted. I think we all do at times, but I'll admit that I do it more then I should. I take my children for granted. I take my husband for granted. I take my family for granted. Shewwww, that's hard! I love them all to death and I wouldn't be me without them, but sometimes I just assume they'll be there, and clearly that's not the case.

Is my life perfect? Oh my goodness NO! Far from it! But I am blessed beyond measure with aspects of my life and it takes certain moments to make you really sit back and think. I have come across amazing blogs in the short time that I've been a "blogger" (I use that term loosely, because really, is posting pictures of your children and writing random stories about them really blogging? Probably not, but I digress! :) I have read stories of triumph and tragedy, highs and lows, life and death, and read about people having gone through circumstances in life that I can't even BEGIN to imagine on my worst of worst days. Now, don't get me wrong, I've been through my fair share of struggles in life...my dads drug and alcohol abuse, my parents divorce in the prime of my teenage years, the death of my sisters best from from cancer a mere month after my parents divorced, my mom losing our house due to financial struggles out of her control, a pretty nasty span of my early 20's that included heavy drinking and the occasional (or not so occasional, more like regular basis) drug use, my husbands struggle with addiction and stay in rehab, the loss of my triplet nephews in May 2008, my dads unexpected (or expected depending upon how you look at the big picture) stroke which killed him, and I'm sure the list could go on. None of that ever "broke" me, although it probably should have. I will say that the alcohol and drug use probably would have killed me, BUT my angel came along on June 9, 2005 and saved my soul (that is the day I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with my son). There is only one thing that I can say got me through all of this, and that is God. I didn't really "know" God until November 2007 but clearly He was in my life long before that! But there is one thing that I think when I come across a blog about loss and that is losing my children or my husband...how would I EVER get through that, even with God? Which brings me back to the whole point of the amazing families I've come across through blogging that have lost childrens, husbands and wives. How in the world do you EVER move on after that!??!?!?!? Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes and a literal pain to my heart. I am in awe of the families I come across who have experienced such TREMENDOUS loss and are still here, smiling, picking up the pieces and moving forward (I won't say "moving on" because I can't imagine that you EVER "move on.")

So you may be thinking...where did this come from? And to be honest, I'm not really sure. I know it's a build up of months and months of reading about these types of stories and then I just read a blog of a family who's son was born premature, fought valiantly in the NICU for 2 months, everything seemed promising and then the little boy passed away!!! They seemed SOOO hopeful! Or the families who's sweet children were stillborn or passed of SIDS, and sadly the list goes on and on. I just follow so many blogs where families have suffered an unimaginable loss and I needed to write this out, think about my children and my husband and realize how fortunate I am because you never know, in an instant, it can all change.

Thank you to all those blogs out there that honestly, poignantly document loss because you make me want to be a better mother, a better wife, and when I take the time to stop and think, you make me not take life for granted. Thank you!

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